Is every woman in labour this dopey?

With Wren’s birthday coming up next week, I’ve been reminiscing about her formal entrance into this world.
As you do.

And while the memory of the pain involved does indeed fade with time, the embarrassment remains.

My main memory is of suddenly becoming scared and refusing to open my legs to push.

That’s right, when the midwife judged the time was nearing, I clenched my knees and refused to co-operate. I don’t know how I thought that baby was coming out, but it wasn’t through down there.

Luckily, my mother was also present and knew how to deal with the situation. Seeing that I was beyond persuasion she turned to persuading the midwife, and the pair of them ganged up on me. Bullies.

They each grabbed a knee and, well, let’s just say that I was not the winner in the very short wrestle that ensued.

Once Wren finally emerged and was laid, naked and pink, on my deflated belly I blurted “It’s a real baby”. Real perceptive.

The attending medical circus must have thought I’d slipped a cog. Pethidine has a lot to answer for.

Then again, maybe dopeyness is more common in this situation. In the interests of objective scientific research, I’d love to hear your dopiest birth stories.

What were your first words upon sighting your newborn? Did you brawl with your obstetrician?

Feel free to bare all here, or if you write a post about it on your own blog, I’ll include a link to it.